Don't Be Such a Tammy
We awoke this morning safe in the knowledge that we were sheltered under Preston’s care. So safe in fact, that he cruised by in an ATV on his day off just to make sure we were good in our new parking spots. It turns out that Preston has family in Henderson and spends every Thanksgiving with them.
Well, he used to. Preston is spending Thanksgiving with us from now on.
We pet the good dogs on their morning walkies and packed up to wait for our homeboy Raoul to pick us up to head back to Deer Creek so we could spend the day on the pontoon we had rented. There was also supposedly an obstacle course that floated in the water that was either shut down due to Covid or wide open and actively in use, depending on if you believed the internet or what you saw with your actual eyes when you drove by. Utah sends a lot of mixed messages.
Parks and Rec is one of my favorite shows and obviously Ron Swanson is my favorite character. One of the funniest things about Ron is that he married a series of woman named Tammy, each terrifying and insane for different reasons. It’s just so dead on. I have met dozens and dozens of Tammys in my life and with one or two exceptions they are pretty consistently completely off their rockers.
If you are Tammy and you are reading this right now, don’t worry…..you are one of the good ones…..shhhhhhhhh.
Anyway, we had a very pleasant reunion with Raoul during which he told me that if I have to spend more than $30 to go fly fishing it means that I am too fancy to go fly fishing. I really can’t give any more context to that statement.
We pulled up to the state park where Raoul was dropping us off of at the marina and we were greeted by very big orange bangs, a smoker’s cough, and a very very angry woman. What followed was nothing short of combat between a pacifist Swede and a government employee who spends eight hours a day collecting fees from boaters.
No, he cannot just drop us off.
It is $15 for the car.
If you let them out, they have to pay $5 a head to walk in. (I have no doubt she would have chased us.)
Are you picking them back up? You need to pay for this pass to get back in.
It escalated and escalated with Raoul openly laughing at her rage and the eight of us cowering in the car. We. Took. A. Beating. Eventually I just gave her all of the emergency money in my Pandemic PackTM and she gave him a receipt to tape to his windshield and allowed him to drive us the five feet forward to be dropped off.
As we hustled to unpack all of our things, Raoul pulled me aside and pressed a handful of red and white striped mints into my hand.
“I’m really sorry about that.” He was genuinely mortified.
“That’s the first mean person from Utah we’ve met.” I was still a little dumbstruck.
“Me too, and I’ve been here for years.” He drove off with a promise to be back at 2:30.
We headed down to pick up the pontoon from a trio of matching, tanned, and shockingly polite brothers.
“What’s the deal with the lady at the gate?” we asked them.
“Tammy?” They all started laughing. Apparently everything in the marina is privately owned by peaceful families who enjoy the day. Tammy is the sole state employee, the troll who guards the entrance to the water. The brothers take turns getting beat by her and often pass the day by watching her scream at customers.
Such a Tammy.
We spent a fun day on the water with the kids venturing into the cold lake to swim and paddleboard. Zero fish were caught, but there were no accidental fish hookings either. Turns out I remember how to drive a boat, although thankfully Zack was over my shoulder to let me know what I was doing wrong.
After returning the boat we considered the aqua park, which was covered with children and also a hearty swim out from the shore. The kids politely declined and Raoul showed up early to take a beating from Tammy about not having the receipt taped in the correct spot on his windshield. He was also bearing Heber City stickers for us as parting gifts.
He really does love us.
Back in the land of Preston, the magic continued. We headed to the pool with a four hundred person family reunion. I got in for once and actually swam through a sea of children, gripping the tops of heads as I went over them to get out on the other side. Mark and Amber retreated to the hot tub where they were rewarded with being joined by no less than ten children under the age of five who did not belong to them. I’m pretty sure Mark accidentally wore one home on his back when we all left to go make dinner.
After dinner we closed out our last night away with rousing games of Five Crowns and Taboo. We are traveling with a few people who have a very low frustration tolerance, I won’t say who, and it is entirely possible that a person in our party did indeed try to flip a picnic table. As long as no one ever mentions a swamp cooler or teriyaki chicken ever again we should all recover.
Everything was really just a warm up for the main event of the day – the piping hot incredibly high pressured shower. I am going to miss those showers. I am going to miss this RV’s bed. I am going to miss taking a walk every night and petting two dozen different dogs. I am telling you, Mountain Valley Rv Park is the place to be. Preston can tell you all about it when he is staying with us for Thanksgiving.