Day Eight: Polygamy, An Attempt on Evan’s Life, and How Zack Got His Groove Back
The storm that was promised last night did indeed land onPage. The winds whipped and rain came down intermittently. We were worried thatthe rain would start leaking in through the unsealed duct taped vent above ourbed, but quickly got a reprieve from that worry when the crashing on the roofindicated that the air conditioner cover was also not securely fastened. Thehigh winds rocked the RV while we huddled together and listened to the bangingabove us.
When we got up this morning, Zack looked a little broken ashe headed to the top of the RV with a tool kit to try to secure the cover.Turns out the entire cover was held on with one half of a broken screw. Wecongratulated ourselves on surviving the great storm, but realized that wemight be a little dramatic considering the campsite next to ours had peoplecamping in tents.
Either way, we were ready to get ourselves straight out ofPage. We set out for Hurricane, with my excitement reaching a fevered pitchwhen I realized that we would be driving rightthrough Colorado City. I did not watch two seasons of Big Love and oneseason of Escaping Polygamy to not stop in Colorado City.
***Sidebar Nation – I wantnothing more than to go to Colorado City and knock on doors and see if anyoneneeds rescuing. I also have a lot of questions that I would like answered.
“Please, please, please, please, please. We didn’t get to doMesa Verde, the ONE THING I WANTED TO DO, so please can we stop in the polygamytown. Pleeeeaaaase?”
Zack was unmoving. Petey, not knowing what polygamy is butwilling to take up anyone’s fight, joined in. Evan snored quietly. We sped bythe odd little town with its telltale clumps of houses and trailers while I didmy best to snap some pictures. Just outside of the town, Zack decided to topull over on the shoulder of the road to allow the cars behind us to pass.
I should clarify.
Zack decided to launch our RV, the one held together by two screws and some duct tape, off of an embankment and into a deep rut on the shoulder. For two glorious seconds, this pile of Sunseeker garbage was airborne. We hit the ground hard, causing all of the cabinets to fly open and once again eject their contents. Evan startled awake to find the three steak knives I brought with us heading straight for him, but managed to deflect them and avoid harm. As the RV rolled to a stop, we all breathed heavily for a few moments and then set about cleaning up the mess. Miraculously, the last unsmashed coffee cup rolled by unscathed. I repacked the cupboard and then for payback, traded seats with Petey. For the next twenty miles she rode shotgun and regaled Zack with a summary of every Babysitter’s Club book ever written.
As we rattled along, I noticed Evan eyeing the cupboardsnervously. “I just feel like the knives are in there, planning one last attackon me.” I assured him that if anything was going to kill us, it was probablyhis dad.
“And then? Claudia told her grandmother…..” Petey was justfinishing up when we rolled into the Sand Hollow State Park. Zack steered theRV into our spot and Evan stood up to get a mint out of the cupboard.
Like a cold hand reaching out of the grave for one lastscare, the RV again launched the cupboard contents at us. Evan deflectedanother knife as the last surviving coffee mug exploded on impact. At thispoint no one even really reacted and we just set about clean up.
“And Stacey is the diabetic babysitter.” Petey kept thecommentary alive to entertain us while we swept up glass shards. Again.
Leaving the RV we discovered that the full hook up park weare at is a few hundred yards from where you can jump off of cliffs into thewater, but about a two mile walk to the beach where they rent paddleboards andjetskis. Although he had been promising the kids both, Zack hauled us over tothe cliffs where he tried in vain to convince the kids this would be better.They didn’t bite. We changed and set out on foot down a long gravel pathleading toward the “fun beach.”
A few hundred yards in Zack looked down and what little reserve he had left just broke.
“What is this? Mustard? I just pulled this shirt out of the drawer. It’s my last clean one. How does it have mustard on it? I’m done. I’m just….so done.”
I put a hand on his arm and told him that I needed him to dig deep. We are in the home stretch. We are going to put these children on those jetskis and in about twelve short hours it will all be over. He walked along muttering to himself.
“Not even going to wake the kids up in the morning……second Iwake up we are gone…..they can sleep on the drive….we’ll be back in Vegas by7am…..”
We ignored him and eventually made it to the beach where werented two jetskis and took out on the water. The kids have never been on thembefore and they had the best time. Evan rode with me and for 55 minutes I wasthe cool mom who knows how to drive a jetski. Petey was squealing behind Zack. Evan and I paused to watch the two of themcoming toward us.
“Aw. Dad’s so happy. Look how adorable he is.” Evan wasthrilled. The kids and I frequently talk about how adorable Zack is. It was good to see him over his earlier upset.
“Mom.” Evan gripped my lifejacket tighter as Zack and Petey continuedto speed directly at us at an alarming rate. “I think the last thing we aregoing to see is Dad’s giant happy head coming for us.”
Thankfully, they turned off and we played on the lake untilwe were all too frozen from the wind to continue. On the two miles back to campZack told the kids all about every dead body he’s ever seen. It was like Stand ByMe, but much less whimsical. In the ultimateanticlimax he finished with the tales of all the kids with fingers stuck inVCRs he’d dealt with, ending with the familiar warning “and that’s why you don’tstick your fingers in a VCR.” The kids chorused it with him.
If you can predict it, you can prevent it.
We are back at the RV for our final dinner, which is lookinglike it will be grilled pizza, baked potatoes, chili, the remnants of a fourday old bag of hot Cheetos, some yogurt, and some bologna if it’s still good.
We will be on the road sometime between 4am and 2pm, depending on where Zack is emotionally in the morning. We are out of trash bags. A two foot pile of laundry surrounds our bed. The mugs are smashed and we have three paper plates left.
Unpacking should be a whole ‘nother thing.
We’ve almost made it!
Number of dogs pet so far: 18 & 1 desert tortoise and 1office cat