Day Two: Bears, Biker Gangs, and Cannibal Chickens

One of Zack’s favorite things to do is to scream “COURT!”like there is a crisis and then when I’ve dropped whatever I’m doing calmlytell me something. He loves that almost as much as he loves handing me stuff tohold for him or things to throw away. It turns out that RVing is perfect forhim, as the windows on the RV offer him an endless variety of ways to springinto view and scream my name.

“COURT!” from the rear window by the water hook up. “I justhooked this up. It’s working.”

“COURT!” pops up by the driver’s door. “The people up the way have a fake lawn.”

“COURT!” crawls out from the storage space. “Did youremember apples?”

“COURT!” appears from behind the bathroom door and almostends me. “I’m going to get the blue light and see if they have scorpions here.Let’s go.”

On our scorpion hunt last night we found neighbors crouchedby the electrical thingy trying to jam a cord whatchamacallit into it and beinggenerally dismayed that some light was the wrong color. They struck up aconversation (of course) and I apologized for not knowing how to help them becausethis was literally our first day in an RV. At that moment Zack appeared aroundthe corner and after learning of their issue, boldly offered to help them solvethe problem by using all six of his hours of RV experience. They politelydeclined and disappeared into the darkness dragging the watchmacallit behindthem.

The RV community remains unfailing polite, albeit collectively puzzled by my morning yoga routine. I’m convinced that one of three things is true:

1. RVing is indeed the nectar of the gods and all who come in contact with it are intoxicated by it. 

2. Every RV purchase comes with a lifetime supply of heavy duty anti-depressants.

3. They are all secretly serial killers, attempting to lure us in.

Again, I may need to tone it down with the murderdocumentaries. But the guy who is slowly taking laps on his bike and waving atme every time he goes by at this veryminute does not help this cause.

We loaded the kids up this morning and set out for a day ofWilliams and Prescott adventure. We discovered two key things while driving.

• Driving together with the kids secured in theback and the fan running too loudly to hear them gives us the opportunity as acouple to explore some real hot button issues. Topics have included: “Why can’tyou read a map?” “Do you think that tiny trailer church over there uses livesnakes?” “Seriously, why can’t you read a map?” “That biker gang has large Bson their backs. Figure out what gang it is.” “No. No, those old men in the Bbiker cuts are not Bandidos.”

Sidebar Nation: Inregard to the Great Biker Gang Argument of 2019 – Having watched the entireseries of Sons of Anarchy three times all of the way through (I’m looking atyou, Charlie Hunnam), I am basically in a biker gang myself and should alwaysbe considered an expert in these matters. You can trust me.

• From the time Evan was little he has fallenasleep in the car within five minutes of turning it on. To the point that weare kind of concerned about letting him get his driver’s license.  Being in an RV has escalated this to thirtyseconds and a deeper sleep, which has created a real Clockwork Orangeopportunity for us. Every time he jolts awake we tell him many hours havepassed and we are in a new state. He’s currently trying to figure out what dayit is and where we are.

We made it to Bearizona, a perpetual crowd pleaser with itsdrive through tour and small open zoo, just in time to take the open air bustour. The lady at the gate encouraged us to do that instead of driving the tourin the RV because the wolves have been known to steal parts off of RVs.

THE WOLVES HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO STEAL PARTS OFF OF RVs. Shejoked uneasily that she isn’t sure what they are building back in their lairwith the stolen things. This is seriously a whole new thing to worry about.

Once inside the zoo, we discovered that Zack’s fear of freakaccidents also extends to bear cubs. The little bears scampered up the treesplayfully nipping at each other to the delight of the crowd. Except for Zack,whose anxiety rose along with the bears.

“They are going to get hurt. They shouldn’t be so high.Someone needs to stop them.”

If you can predict it, you can prevent it.

Thankfully, a park employee showed up to be the adult incharge before he took it upon himself to hop the fence and scold the bears outof the tree.

We had another minor issue when Petey came across a smallherd of chickens being fed something by a group of tourists. As we got closer,she saw that they were feeding them….KFC.

“MOOOOOMMMM!! Stop them! They are creating chickencannibals. They are MAKING THE CHICKENS EAT THEMSELVES. WHO DOES THAT?? YEAH, I’MTALKING TO YOU! YOU AND YOUR KFC! WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU?”

Thankfully, I got her out of there before we had to defendthe chicken’s honor. I got two hours of sleep last night thanks to RV sleepingand I’m really not in a good place to fight strangers about chickens. Myreflexes are off and I didn’t have my kicking pants on.

We made it to Point of Rocks RV park in gorgeous Prescott,Arizona. Again, it is a wildly delightful place with hiking trails andbreathtaking views. The people are suspiciously friendly and one guy who is apparentlythe mayor of the park brought his desert tortoise over to meet us. (Lenny. Hisname is Lenny. The tortoise, not the guy.)

We took advantage of the hiking trails and scored amazing views of the valley. Zack let go of some safety concerns and the kids scrambled up higher than even I liked. I’m getting ready to make salmon and veggies in foil packets on the camp grill, something I told the kids about first thing this morning so they could spend the day building a good healthy rage.

Tomorrow we are off to Sedona, where I will stick both kidsin a healing energy vortex and hope that it cures puberty.

Over and Out!

Number of dogs pet so far: 4 & one desert tortoise